A ureor a mla mo merek

May 29, 2010
It's been a busy month. We had a girls night out at the Taj, went to Ngarelong for church, PMA/SDA staff dinner at PPR, and the SDA choir had a concert.

The SDA girls were able to attended a Palauan birthing ceremony. It was really cool. After a woman has her first child, she goes through bathing treatments with herbs twice a day for 10 days to prevent infection, stop bleeding, etc. On the 10th day, she has to sit over a steaming pot of special herbs to help clean and heal her womb. After all of this bathing, there is a big celebration. The woman puts on a grass skirt and is topless and covered in yellow oil. She then walks out of the house slowly and stands in front of everyone. Islandy music is playing, and every so often people go up and dance gently with money for the mother. The woman has to stay there until almost everyone leaves. I feel bad for the lady, because if I were topless I really wouldn't want to stand in front of people for hours.

We had our last SM vespers, and it was so sad. I am going to miss everyone terribly. The last week of school was also hard. Four SMs left, and it brought home the nearness of our leaving.

In addition to all of the goodbyes, there has been the craziness of cleaning out the classrooms, packing, cleaning out the apartment, finishing grades, and trying to squeeze so many "lasts" in.

A ureor a mla mo merek...The work is finished. At least my part of the work. I am leaving Palau tomorrow. I would have to agree with Shakespeare - parting is such sweet sorrow. I am so excited to go home, but I will miss this place and the people here. I am coming home a different person than I left.

June 4, 2010

I'm beginning to be asked how my year went. And to be honest, I'm still not sure. Would I do it again? Yes. Was it what I expected it to be? No way - way harder. Did I learn stuff? Definitely. Here is a journal excerpt with some of what I've learned.


I’m trying to figure out exactly what this year meant to me. It’s hard to express. Jacob and Ivan nailed it pretty well on the head when they spoke for vespers. The year has been filled with so many issues and messed up situations. But I have learned that I am so not perfect, and neither is anyone else. And we have to learn to love everyone despite their faults. Really it boils down to the fact that God died for each one of us, and we must give grace as we receive it.
Was the year good or bad? Success or failure? I’m still not totally sure. God can make a big mess work into his plan, and I think that’s what might have to happen with this year. Part of me loves the year and experience. But there's the other half of me that remembers all too clearly the painful memories, difficult days, crying... I think it’s best to just forgive and forget as much as possible.

Major lessons from the year:

1. Forgiveness. You are not perfect, neither are others. Cut each other some slack.
2. Get both sides of the story, and never write or say something in anger.
3. Flexibility. Oh, goodness.
4. Patience. Wow. Still working on that one.
5. God’s awesome majesty and love. Friday night vespers was so powerful. It was really what I needed, to experience huge God-moments again.


I am going to miss the people and relationships, especially with the other SMs and my class. I loved exploring Palau, diving and seeing the beautiful sunsets and scenery. I loved the moments when a light would go for a student and they would suddenly get a concept. Friday nights in Palau are right up there with my favorite spiritual memories.
My greatest learning moments were aptly enough in the classroom. I learned more about myself from teaching and my students than anything else. I would be an ungrateful friend if I forgot to mention the SMs, for they too taught me much. Even though it was often through criticism and disagreements, we always made up and learned something from the experience.

I think in the weeks to come I will realize more how much Palau has changed me. I've already noticed that I picked up more of the culture than I'd realized. I am still raising my eyebrows to respond to questions and have to remind myself to nod so the other person understands. I say "on the aircon" and "cannot", and I still expect people to recognize me as I go shopping. The impact of this year goes much deeper, however. I hope that those of you at home, my friends and family, find me a better person. To those of you in Palau, I will miss you. Thank you for your kindness and patience, and for letting me teach and be taught by your children this year. May God bless you, and if I never return I hope to see you in heaven, when truly 'a ureor a mla morek'.

April in pictures

April has been so full of fun and various events that only pictures will do it full justice.

Dolphins Pacific. Kendel (PMA teacher) and I got a chance to help the staff with medical check ups on the Dolphins. It was pretty sweet - I hugged a dolphin for like 40 minutes and watched them pull leaves out of its stomach and take its blood.

2A field trip.

Molly and I at the firestation

Riding the firetruck!

"We're so cold Ms. Courtney!"

Avery and Laden

Fish and clam hatchery.

Having fun at Airai View. We went with some of the 8th graders and had a blast.

Making pizza with Marianne for her Freshman party.

Epic Airsoft battle. I photographed mostly, played a little.

We had SAT testing (like Iowa Tests) last week, and afterwards the students were stir-crazy. Marlynne and Blossom tied us together with a jump rope and told me they never wanted me to leave them. The day got crazier as the other students mass hugged me and then proceeded to sing praise songs loudly throughout Science class. What a day!

Sometimes we just get so hot we can't help ourselves.

A typical recess for Ms. Kait and I.

Sunglasses shopping. Jolene and I went on a shopping date, and the rest tagged along.
Don't worry, we didn't buy these.

Beautiful sunset.

The Burger Hut! We are all wearing Thailand pants that Brenda and Jordan brought back with them. The McCartys invited us and Emily, a visiting teacher from Pohnpei, over for movies. We stopped for a tofu burger on the way. I am going to miss them - so good.

Jolene, Kait, and I at the SDA Kings Championship game. They won, but it was a close game. I'm sure all the face paint and school spirit was what made the difference. =)

The time is going quickly and slowly at the same time. I am so ready to be home, but I'm trying to enjoy the rest of my time here. 30 more days...

Whoopee Forever

I'm reading this book called SexGod by Rob Bell, which despite it's title is not really about sex. It talks about how often "this is really about that", especially about sex and love. The last chapter, Whoopee Forever, has been my favorite.

The chapter begins by talking about Paul's advice for those who are single to stay single and those who are married to stay married. Basically, for Paul whether you are married or not is inconsequential. If you're married fine, if not fine. The book proposes that sex is really a symbol of something more - our relationship with God. In heaven, God will be our light, and "In the light, everybody is know fully. Which is what people crave in sex, isn't it? To be known fully and still loved, still embraced, still accepted" (166). Bell continues on to say that if sex is a picture of heaven - pure relationship, everyone connected with nothing held back - then what happens to sex when we reach heaven and everyone is connected and in perfect relationship?

The book gives no answer, but it made me think about the idea of no marriage and sex in heaven. I realized that if all the happiness and satisfaction that come from marriage are just a small picture of heaven, how awesome is heaven going to be, when everything is in harmony?

The last part of the chapter talks about a Jewish wedding ceremony. After a marriage was arranged, the prospective groom would offer the girl a cup of wine, which she can choose to reject "even though everything has already been arranged, she can still say no" (169). If she accepts, the groom goes and builds a house adjacent to his fathers. When the father thinks the house is ready, the groom goes with his friends to get his bride, who has left a light burning every night in her window so he will know which room is hers. Then there is a big procession back to the groom's house and a celebration. "And so when she takes the glass of wine at their engagement party and drinks from it, the groom says to her: "my father's house has plenty of room; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am..." Does his speech sound familiar? This is what Jesus says...When Jesus wants to assure his followers...their future is secure...he uses the wedding metaphor" (171).

This chapter blew me away. I was up for an hour in my bed last night, just trying to imagine how awesome heaven will be. I hope you have been blessed as I have been. The book is excellent and I highly recommend it.

Moustache March, Spring Break, and other happenings

March began with some very interesting facial hair experiments for the male SMs. It was fun coming in to staff worship in the morning and seeing a new style.
The joint vespers continue to be a blessing, and as our time gets shorter and shorter I am realizing how much I will miss everyone here. It's sad that in order to open a new chapter of your life you have to shut an old one.
We are hoping to get together at some point to see each other, but whether all the road trips and vacations will materialize is unsure. We are bound to bump into each other, but it won't be the same.

Women's Sabbath was on March 5. We did a skit about women of the Bible and dressed up in our bedsheets for the performance. While certainly not worthy of any awards, the performance went fairly well and we enjoyed ourselves.

Our next big event was Creativity Fair on the Thursday before Spring Break. 3A and 2A did a very good job if I do say so myself. The students did their parts perfectly, and Ms. Dinah and I were very proud of them. The other classes did well, too. There were skits, musical numbers, bell choir, recititations (can you recite all of the U.S. presidents in order? I know I can't), blacklight musical numbers, and signing to songs. It seems to be a Palauan thing to not pay attention to performances, however, and it was so noisy most of the time that it was hard to hear. The night was long, and it was a lot of work decorating the classroom and getting everything worked out, but the kids enjoyed it.

That night two SMs left for Pohnpei early for Spring Break. Marianne actually went skydiving in Guam on the way, and she inspired Dinah and I to try it in Hawaii. This information probably won't thrill my parents.

Mom and Dad flew in on Monday night, and the next morning we left for Anguar. It was not exactly the vacation my parents had envisioned - sleeping on the floor, eating pb & j for numerous meals, no airconditioning, walking for hours in the hot jungle, a long, bumpy boat ride. They had fun despite it all, and seeing all of the WWII planes and buildings was cool.
We went by Jellyfish Lake on the way home, and they were complaining all the way up and down the hill to get there. For those of you who have never been, the path to Jellyfish is short but "not tourist friendly" as my parents said. There are steps of sorts made of sharp coral and a rope to hold on to lest you slip. While they were here, we also went out diving and snorkeling and stayed in a nice hotel for a day. We cruised around Babeldaob in the Maggot, and overall we had a good time.

School has been going well. My kids like me, I like them, and overall their behavior has improved dramatically since 1st Quarter.We have parent-teacher conferences today (I'm actually typing this in between conferences), and it is so nice to say more positive than negative things. I am going to miss these kids so much. They've got a piece of my heart.

Which isn't to say I can't still be a little mean to them now and then. Kaitlynn and I decided to pull an April Fool's joke on my kids. We switched classrooms in the morning and told the kids that we had a very long talk with Mr. Nelson. Since they had been so bad lately (and both classes have), Mr. Nelson decided it would be best if we switched teachers for the rest of the year. Kaitlynn's kids were pretty chill about it, but my kids were freaking out. Marlynne was hugging me and crying during recess, and the kids really missed me. We only let them believe it for about an hour, and then we brought them all together and told them. After we said, "April Fools!" my kids rushed me and half-pushed, half-hugged me out the door. They finally like me. It is a beautiful thing.

The SDA Kings, our elementary school boy's basketball team, had their championship game yesterday. Brenda, Jordan, and I painted our faces and most of the teachers came out to cheer on our boys. It was a close game, but they won.

I've been staying out at PMA this week to visit Marianne. It is so different from town - very peaceful and so relaxing. We go running under the stars, and it is just gorgeous. You can't beat the country.

This month has been the month for questions. A lot of us are struggling with the same things spiritually. I have been forced to reevaluate so many things this past month, and I still haven't found any answers for a lot of my questions. One thing that quite a few of us are wondering about is the lack of God experiences. Lately it seems like we don't feel God as much, or something, and we are wondering if it comes from getting older. Does God speak clearer and more frequently in high school because we're listening better? Are our hearts getting hard? We don't know. I hope this isn't a consequence of growing up. I'm praying for the simpler faith and excitement about God I had in high school.

I was also talking with one of the SMs about how teaching brings out the worst in us. It is such a hard job to be a consistent Christian in. I feel impatient and mean more than usual, and I wonder why I can't just be patient and kind. I have this ideal vision of me as a super successful and much loved teacher, but it never seems to materialize. Instead it hovers just out of reach. It makes one start to wonder, am I really a good person? Or am I just pretending?

Despite all these questions, I really am enjoying it here. Every week is bittersweet - the end and the beginning. My prayer through these last weeks is that I would really show my kids Jesus and enjoy every moment I have with them.

P.S. If you are thinking about coming to Palau as an SM, DO IT!!! They need teachers, and I have 12 rambunctious, future 3rd graders who I'd love to introduce you to... : )

February

February has come and gone, and time is flying on our little island. The weeks seem to pass so quickly, and the weekends go even quicker.
February was a very eventful month here. It has been full of sickness in the younger grades. First and second grade were hit hard. 3 of 5 teachers went down, including myself, and all of my kids have been out at some point over the last two weeks. I am still missing some this week, and I am hoping they return soon. It will be nice to have all the students back again. Some of them were sick for so long I forgot they were in my class.
I have been helping prepare 7 6th-8th graders for the National Spelling Bee. The Bee took place last Saturday night, and I was as nervous as the students were. Spelling Bees are surprisingly intense. I was proud of all of the students. They surpassed my expectations. Michael, an 8th grader, actually took second place. This qualifies him to represent Palau along with the first place winner in the Guam Spelling Bee. The winner of that Bee goes to the Scripps National Spelling Bee in Washington, D.C. I've been told that SDA made it to D.C. in years past. How cool would that be?
We are in the midst of furious preparations for the annual Creativity Fair. The fair takes place on March 11 and is the biggest school event next to the Christmas play. 2A is teaming up with Miss Dinah and 3A to do a skit about visiting the countries of the world. It will hopefully be slightly funny, and if nothing else highly informative. All the practice has the extra bonus of less grading and lesson planning.
My girls have become even more affectionate this past month. They love clinging to me and playing with my hair. They think is so pretty because it's 'gold'. I'm not sure what they see in it myself, since I rarely think about my hair other than washing it and throwing it into a ponytail. It is too hot to leave it down and too humid to try anything. Despite the heat and humidity, I usually have one of them hugging me while I grade their papers or watch them for recess. There is something very comforting about a little body hugging you.
My boys have become anything but affectionate, trying to assert their independence I guess. The phase is about finished now, but for awhile I was at my wit's end with all the 'you can't make me' attitudes.
We acquired a PE teacher, Coach Geoff (Jeff). We are all so excited to have a PE teacher again. The extra 30 minutes are so nice. And he has a lot more energy to put into each class then us after teaching the kids all day.
We have started doing vespers together as SMs every Friday night. It is awesome to meet with all the teachers, especially since we never see the teachers at PMA. The last Friday night was the girl's turn to make supper. We cooked up a ton of soup, and ate almost all of it. We chopped for over an hour, but it was well worth it.
I've been able to get out a lot this month despite getting sick. I went diving again and had a good time. I was also able to go on a day trip to the neighboring island of Kayangel. Its small, it took about an hour and a half to walk around. About 80 people live there, and it is so quiet and peaceful. One of the islanders 'invited us in' to his open-air shelter and gave us orange coconuts to eat. Coconut water is apparently great for curing headaches and replenishing nutrients, much like Gatorade actually. I don't know the truth of this statement though, since I can't stand the taste of coconut water. The orange coconut water was better, but most of the water is kind of bitter.
February was a hard month for the SMs. We are starting to get homesick, and our spirits are flagging. Luckily spring break is coming up, and I am excited that my parents are going to be able to come. It will be so nice to have them here. Spring Break come soon!

Week 21 and counting...

School is out! Those are my favorite words to say on a Friday afternoon. The breeze is blowing briskly through our apartment and keeping the temperature bearable. It smells like fresh laundry, and the overall effect feels like summer vacation.
School has been going well. The kids haven’t changed much, but slowly and surely I am. I am starting to enjoy myself more often, and I am less stressed now that I am caught up on grading and finished with one of two independent studies. The kids can be so cute sometimes. My girls have decided they love me now, and they are constantly clinging to some part of my body. They give me notes that are misspelled but so cute, and they told me this week that they wanted me to be their teacher until they were dead. “And then we’ll stay in the ground til Jesus comes, and then we’ll see her again in heaven!” oh my. At least they were listening when we discussed the 2nd coming and resurrection in Bible class. I still haven’t figured out why they love me so much – I am still constantly disciplining my class.

I had a great birthday. The girls made me breakfast, and then three classes came in to sing happy birthday to me. After school the girls blindfolded me and led me around town and finally took me out to supper. And they made me a great cake too. So it was a good birthday. My birthday packages arrived this week, and while I wish they could’ve gotten here earlier it is kind of cool to have your birthday stretched out a little longer. =)
Last Sunday six of the SMs went diving. We went to Blue Hole and German Channel, two of the more famous dive sites, and they were amazing. We saw a manta ray at German Channel, and Blue Hole was awesome – a 80+ foot hole in the coral and tons of fish and coral, as well as my first eel.
One of the big grocery stores here is called Surangel’s and is owned by Adventists. Whenever they have a lot of expired or otherwise unusable things, they pass them on to the SMs. A few months ago, we got a huge amount of plain yogurt. It spawned a huge debate about what to do with the 23 lbs of expired yogurt. We got creative, threw some away, and still have some in the freezer. Around November we got 10 boxes each of chocolate-covered almonds. They were good, but after the fourth box or so they lost their appeal. Most recently we have acquired 4 bags of unshelled peanuts and about 8 jars of cheese whiz. We made up broccoli cheese soup on Friday, but we still have about 6 jars left.
In other news, we got hot water! We got it at the end of Christmas break, and it has been so nice not having to steel yourself for the cold water.

I am very slowly learning patience, and am also slowly being drawn closer to God. I don’t think God talks louder in Palau, but I do seem to pay more attention. Some of the SMs went out to a pier at the north end of Babeldaob (Palau’s main island) for vespers one Friday night, and it was amazing. After not singing many praise songs the past few months, the worship felt so right. God was so near that night, and many nights as I am running around the track or having devotions I can feel God’s presence. I had been missing that feeling back in the States, and it feels so amazing. I am still working on keeping that presence with me during my class, and also on showing God to each of my students. I often feel so inadequate – of all the people God could bring here to teach, why me? I struggle so much with showing my kids Jesus, and I feel like I fail almost everyday. But I know without a doubt that God brought me here, and that He will bless my efforts.

more pictures from the break

Krista holding the crocodile Nelson caught at Ngemelis. We spotted it on Sabbath afternoon while poling around the island in a wooden canoe. Nelson went and speared/caught it on Sunday. The croc went home on the boat with us. They said it was going to be a pet, but they didn't deny it when we asked if they were going to eat it. I don't know what it's fate was...

Marianne, Dinah, Krista, and me.

Almost all of us slept in hammocks at Ngemelis, since it was cooler. It also had the added bonus of no rats scurrying around under your bed. They were a pain to set up, however, since all we had was bad rope to hang them with and you can't set them up under coconut trees (for obvious reasons).

En route to Ngemelis. It looks sunny, but it was downpouring most of the way there. So much for basking in the sun on Christmas Day.

Krista's first experience with taro.

Ice pops, my favorite Palauan dessert. Krista loved them, too.

Stephi, Krista, and I at the waterfall. We had a blast. (by the way, our attire is not Palau-approved. There was no one around, so we decided to seize the opportunity).

Sunrise at North Beach.

Krista and Marianne

Krista and I at one of the few Rock Islands with a beach.

SDA staff at the Christmas program.

School is now back in session, and my kids are the same as ever, although they look a little older and taller somehow. My kids decided last week that Mexicans eat grasshoppers and honeymoons are when you get pregnant. They certainly are creative. We did a science activity on Tuesday that involved making water fountains. I asked them what they thought we were going to use all the water for, and Jerome asked if we were going to pretend to be plants and dump it on our heads.
In other news, we are not getting any more SMs as of yet. A Palauan teacher is filling in for Daniel (Mr. Snyder) and Tanner is moving from 1st to 8th grade since Mrs. Kathleen is off of maternity leave. We are still praying for a PE teacher, since we all hate teaching our kids PE.

Yesterday we all went to Airai View, a hotel with a small waterpark, for Erinn's birthday. We all had a ton of fun, and I think it is the longest amount of time we've had together as a group since the beginning of the year. After cleaning up, we went to PPR (Palau Pacific Resort) for supper. One of the well-to-do church members offered to pay for our meal, and we also got to see Polynesian dancing. It was a wonderful day.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.